weddings.

i love weddings. despite my feminist politics which make me skeptical of marriage as an institution, weddings make my sappy little heart sing. the wedding my love & i had nearly a year ago was beautiful. it was just the two of us on the beach where we both (separately) grew up searching for sand dollars and eating salt water taffy. our parents do not even know it happened, that's how little we involved others. for the time, it was perfect for us. now, we dream of having a "real" wedding with all people we love. 

last night, we went to a beautiful wedding to celebrate a beautiful couple who will soon welcome their first child into this world. it was a genuine reflection of their connection as life partners, full of love & drum beats. we went home with darling little seedlings, a sun gold tomato plant, mason drinking jars and a red velvet cupcake as favors.

i went home feeling full of joy, happy to have danced with friends to my favorite song played by a sweet band in the big barn.

but my wife felt differently. as soon as we pulled away from dropping off a friend, tears filled her eyes. as she watched the bride & groom's fathers deliver heartfelt toasts welcome each into their families with such overflowing joy, she was reminded that even when we have a wedding surrounded by the people who, for us, have become our family, our actual parents will be missing. our fathers will not excitedly welcome us to the other's family. our extended family will not run onto the dance floor to take photos of our "first" dance together. in reality, it is quite likely that none of them will be there to begin with.

that said, we are so loved and so supported by so many people in this world. it is my hope that all of the other folks in this vast family we have built will show up for us, dance with us and overflow with love for our commitment to walk through this life together as partners, an acknowledgment of who we have been as a couple for quite some time now.

we have heard from many a chosen family member that, regardless of their sexuality, they see our love as something that they could only hope to have someday, that it is truly rare that they have seen two people so beautifully matched and so wholly connected. we have heard that our partnership is inspiring and that all the ways we are there for each other and all of the ways we help one another to grow seem effortless and second nature.

my wish is that our families would allow themselves to know these things about us too, out beyond their ideas of whether our love makes sense to them.